Dear Broseph

Dear Broseph
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! It's so crazy that it's only been about a year that you've been in our lives. You really are like the little brother I never had and I think you're an awesome dude.

A year ago today, Grace and I barely knew you and got you a caramel apple for your birthday because cake seemed weird. Little did we know that you would end up liking it better than if we had gotten you cake! In the relatively little amount of time that has passed since then you've become a pretty integral part of our family.

See that picture up there Broseph? See where you are? Smack in the middle. You probably didn't realize what you were signing up for by coming around but you're definitely stuck with us now. You can always count on us to be like your home away from home. We consider you a part of our family and you should never question that.

Broseph, as your honorary big sister, I want you to know that you can always talk to me about stuff. I will always do my best to give you the advice and friend that you need.

We love you Broseph and we're way glad that you're around. It's been a blast with you joining us and I think it can only get better from here.

I hope that you're nineteenth year was better than you thought it would be and that, now that you're way out of your teens, adulthood will be even better. You already know that being a grown up super sucks but it's not so bad as long as you've got one heck of a support team and you have that in us.

You're great and I hope your day is great too!

Always,
Eliza

I Have the Best Parents

This lovely couple right here are my parents. This post is for them. Because today is their wedding anniversary! 24 years of marital bliss!

Dear Mom and Dad,
Today marks 24 years since you two were sealed for time and all eternity in the Los Angeles temple. I am so grateful for all that you two have done for me and my sisters. You're seriously the best parents a girl could ask for and I am so blessed to have you as mine.

You two have been through a lot over the years be it illness, unemployment, relocation, anything! The thing that's most honorable is that whenever there's a problem, you guys go at it together. I've seen arguments and disagreements but you always manage to come together.

I can honestly say that I know what a loving relationship can be because of the love I've been so blessed to witness between you two. Sure, me and my sisters squeal and freak out with the overt affection in the kitchen. But you guys are so obviously still in love after all this time. You have fun together. You genuinely enjoy the company of one another.

Not only are you two a wonderful example of what I want when I get married one day (hopefully :P ) you are also terrific parents. Through all the life experiences and tumult you've been through in your 24 years, roughly 22 of them have been with a child tagging along. And you two have handled it pretty dang well I think. You had us quick and fast by some standards but you have always been parents. You have perfected being a Mama and a Daddy-- anyone can be a mother and father.

As you both know, I've been trying to train a chick the last week or so. My teacher told us today that this experience can be very insightful for parenting. I've always respected what you've accomplished with my sisters and me but now I have an even better insight. Instead of getting frustrated at the first hiccup, you've stuck with us. We make a TON of mistakes and you could very easily give up on us (especially since legally we're all adults now) but you stick with us. You take care of us. You don't just throw in the towel because it gets frustrating or because we seem to make the same mistakes over and over again. For reals, the effort you two put in on a daily basis is incredible.

So I want to thank you two for showing me what marriage can and should be as well as what I as a parent can work towards. I love you both so very very much and I wouldn't be half the person I am today without you two in my life. You are a stalwart example in my life.

Here's to a happy 24 years and eternity to go!

I love you,
Your Oldest Child

Dear Daddy

(In case you aren't familiar enough with the way the title of this is formatted by this point, it's a birthday today! My father's, most specifically. So this blog post is for him.)

Dear Daddy,

Happy Birthday!!! I hope that so far your day is wonderful and only continues to be so. You are the only lucky duck who's birthday I'm usually home for- including my own! So your birthday blog post will be different than the others because I get to grace you with my presence as you read it. Mwahahaha!

Anyways, I'm super excited for you although you seem to carry the attitude of "it's just another birthday, nothing special." I'll tell you why it's special! Because today is the one day out of all the others that we get to celebrate you specifically. Sure, Father's day is around the corner but let's be honest. There's like a million other people that share that day with you. Your birthday is special because you are our focus. There may be other people who were born this day throughout the years but I wouldn't know any of them if it weren't for you!

I will always appreciate the things you've done for me and my sisters and Mom for as long as I live. I don't think there is anyone that would be better suited for us than you. You give us the world because we are your world. I know that I will never be able to repay you for all that you do for me, all that you continue to do, and all the sacrifices you will and have made.

One of my fondest memories with you is from going to see the second Harry Potter movie. You and I both know that going to see the Harry Potter movies was always our thing. I know other people came along, namely my sisters, a time or two but I always considered this my special Daddy time. Well, the second movie I remember actually going to see a little better than the others. At least for the in the theater part. 

**SPOILER ALERT: for anyone who for some reason is reading this and hasn't read or seen the second Harry Potter, if you don't wanna know some of what happens, stop now. Otherwise, as you were.

The second Harry Potter movie was different because I remember getting scared. I don't know how old I was (I can't ever remember those details) but this was the first time I remember ever getting scared in the theater. It was when the big old snake (basilisk, I know) was chasing Harry and he had stabbed out the eye so he was hiding and the snake was slithering all over the place listening for him to move and got right up in his grill. That part super freaked me out. I don't know if you remember this but I hid behind your arm. I love this memory because even though I was super scared, you were there to protect me. And you always have been.

I know all to well that all our lives will slowly end and you won't always be physically present to take care of me and hold me up when I fall, but I know even when you can't be right there, you really will always be right there. I can always always ALWAYS count on you.

Daddy, I love you and I'm so grateful for all that you do. I know that I don't vocalize it near enough and for that I am sorry. You are my hero and I only hope that one day I find the man of my dreams that lives up to the standard you've laid before me of what a husband and father should be.

You're the best dad a girl could ever ask for!

Love Always,

Eliza Jean

"Oh I've got the best and the worst of her in me, I'd share her if I could"

Today is Mother's Day!! A day to celebrate mothers and all the million things they do for us. Let's be honest, we literally would not be here without them. I've tried to focus on all the many mothers in my life in the past but today I want to specially focus on my very own gem of a mother. She is so much to me and this post is all about that.

(we've been going through pictures lately so there's a whole bunch for your appreciation :D )

The above picture is at the very beginning of my mom being a mom. That's me under all those stripes! Anyways, this isn't about me. My mom is my world. She brought me into this one. And while there are others that have affected who I am today and what I'm all about, I wouldn't be half the person I am without her. She's strong and because of that I am stronger than I otherwise would be.

This is just after I nearly killed my mother! That's what I did to thank her for the gift of life. Some thanks right? Well that's just it. My mother is resilient. Giving birth to the big, fat cow baby that I was is just the tip of the iceberg. She's been through a million and one different things be they medical, financial, spiritual, mental, physical... Yeah. She walks with the world on her shoulders, even when she doesn't have to and when it just about crushes her. She always walks on with that weight like it's no big.

DISNEY LAND!!! I love me some Disney and it's probably partially at least because of my mother. My mother instilled a wonderful sense of what's right and what's fantastic and what's beautiful and what's worth appreciating in this world (like Disney!). We learn by example, they say. I can think of no better example to learn from than that of my mother. My wonderful, fantastic, beautiful mother that is worth appreciating and usually if not always right.

This is a picture of my two younger sisters and I with our mother in my great-grandmother's backyard. (Take a couple seconds to digest the placement of that whole sentence... yeah sorry... haha.) My mother is a mommy. She stayed home and took care of my sisters and I. She kissed booboos and washed scrapes. She is the best at holding back your hair while you puke. And no one (I really mean NO ONE) can do a french braid as tight as her. That braid would stay in there until your hair fell out from old age if she wished it. She was and is a mommy. And she's awesome at it.

This picture is me and my mom inside the scariest Ferris wheel type thing I have ever had the misfortune to be upon. You can't see it in this picture but we are bracing ourselves against the swing of the basket and hoping we make it back to ground safely. My mom is a protector. You know how people say that every mother has that Mama Bear instinct lying dormant within them and you better not mess with her cubs? Well that's my mom. I know she's in my corner. She's got my back. I can count on her to be there and help me fight my battles. She will take on anyone that hurts me or my sisters and I fear for the transgressor's life and safety.

See those braces? Yikes! My mom is the one who took me to the orthodontist appointments and doctors appointments. Yes, she's a chauffeur when called upon but she's more than that. My mom is someone I can count on. I already mentioned that I know I'll always have my mom in my corner. This is kind of an extension of that. She always tells the three of us that home is our soft place to and that won't ever change. Even when we go away to school or go get married or anything like that, Mom's arms will forever be outstretched and ready to catch us if/when we fall.

(the braces are off!!) This picture is from a church activity. That was our car that we designed and "raced." Ours was the best, of course. Even though I have no memory of how the race thing itself actually went. My mom is a friend to me. She knows how to be a parent of course and I know where that line is between parent and friend but as I grow older, our conversations grow more conversational and less lecture (although there are those too every so often..) 

This is a picture from a family photo shoot and probably one of my favorite more recent pictures of the two of us. Don't we look nice? My mom is happy. Sometimes, this is harder than others. But that goes for everyone. I already told you she carries the world on her shoulders but did I mention that she does so with a smile on her face? She taught me how to smile even when I don't feel like it. I remember her saying sometimes the best way to get happy is to fake it until you make it. We've been through a lot as a family and she's helped us all to soldier on and smile as we go. She's helped us to find those things to laugh at in times where it seems there's nothing but darkness surrounding. She is a beacon with her ever shining smile.

I know, you're thinking "Hey! You couldn't find any more recent pictures of you and your mother? This is like two years old!" I know, I know. We'll work on getting some pictures while I'm home from school this summer. But until then this picture will suffice for my purposes. My mom is my mom and that's the best thing she could ever be. She takes care of me. She holds me when I'm sad or sick. She lifts me up when I've fallen. She is my soft place to land. She knows me like no one else. I can always count on her. She is strong. She is brave. She is resilient. She is beautiful. She is my mom. And for that, I love her.

I think I get it now...

I'm not going to lie and say that I've been in numerous relationships. That would be a terrible lie, I've been in barely any. But I like to think I've been in enough because I've realized I don't know how to give someone less than my all. That's why it always hurts so much when it's over.

So yeah, I haven't been in a lot of relationships but I know without a doubt what it's like to have my heart broken. I know the feeling of my heart being torn from me and trampled. I know how it feels when those butterflies in your stomach slowly die and turn to bricks. I know that a broken heart means a physical pain for which there is no medication or remedy besides time.

I also think I'm ready to be done having my heart broken. I wrote about putting up walls to prevent falling but I don't think it's possible for me to do this. Sure, I am a little jaded and my opinion of boys overall is severely effected by my experiences. But once a guy gets to me, he really gets to me. It seems I have the optimism and trust of a twitterpated two year old and I just can't shake it.

But I think I get it now. I think I have learned the lesson that comes from being broken. I know this by no means guarantees me a free ride from here on out with no heartbreaks. I think that would be impossible. But my hope is that this means there's fewer of them ahead of me than there are behind me.

With each fall and crash, I am able to put the pieces back together at a quicker pace. My recovery time is hastened and I more quickly gain eyes to see things as they really were. I am bouncing back faster every time and am remembering those things that get me through quicker. I know that I cannot wallow for it only makes it worse. I know I cannot expect things to change for the ideal because they never do. All I can do is work to move forward and learn and this I know greatly.

I cannot deny that I also know I, more than anything, want that next part. I want love. I want marriage. I want a family. I don't mean this to scare off potential suitors, I simply mean to be honest. If I try to deny that these are my most prominent and pressing goals, I think it will only increase the heartaches I'll face.

From now on, I will try to search for a man and not a boy. I will search for the one that is ready for me. I will not be slowed down with flattery and sweet smiles any longer. I will try to add the gentle skepticism of an older and wiser me to my sweet disposition. I know I will falter in my quest but I think it will be easier to go forward if I can remember the past. A wise monkey said we can either run from the past or learn from it. I like to think that I'll be able to do both. I do not want to carry around my old relationships but I cannot allow myself to forget because they are important to know what I look for from here.

And now, I press forward. I move on. I don't forget what I've learned but I cannot let it hold me back.

Another Birthday!

(Today's post is for my future brother-in-law. I figure he's basically family at this point so I should probably do something for him haha. Happy birthday Zach!)

Dear Mr. Zachariah Bubar,

Happy Birthday!! We haven't really known each other for any astronomical amount of time but you've quickly become an important factor in my life and that of my family and I feel safe speaking for the group when I say we think you're awesome, dude.

I like to think I can take partial credit in the origins of your soon to be eternal relationship with my sister. You two sort of ended up tossed together but I think it's worked out better than anyone could have predicted. You're great to her, she loves you. And that is what matters more than anything else that happens. You better take good care of her or there is a mob that will hunt you down, good sir! I know it can seem at times that you and I have clashing personalities but it all can be pushed aside as we see what we have in common that binds us together and that is a love for my sister. She's one of the best sisters a girl could ever ask for.

This is the first of many birthdays where you're going to be stuck with a whole new group of people to deal with. As I'm sure you've noticed, we like birthdays at our house. I've always considered birthdays to be each person's individual holiday so I hope today if you manage to see my family that you get everything you deserve. Cake, the birthday banner, the whole shebang!

I'm really glad my sister has ended up with you Mr. Zach. You really do have her best interest at heart and it's obvious to anyone with eyes and half a brain that you're mad about her. And what's more, she returns your crazy love. I'm so incredibly happy for the two of you and I'm anxious for what your future together holds.

I hope that as we continue forward as family and face only more birthdays together that we can grow closer. You, sir, have a responsibility that I can't say if you have realized yet. We're a family of all but one females and that means there's some weight that falls on you. You're not just a (future) husband to my sister. You are now my brother and I hope that our relationship will continue to grow and reflect this.

You're a super great dude Zach and I hope you have a fantastic birthday. You deserve nothing less!!

Love Always,
Your Future Sister in Law

Dear Mom

(The time has come once again where it's someone's birthday and my blog post is written directly to them. As always, you can read it if you want to still. Just a heads up. Plus, this isn't just any someone. It's my mommy!)

Dear Mom,
It's your birthday!! I haven't been able to be with you on your birthday for two years now but I always try to do something for you all the same. And I promise I will bring a BYU-I tervis ish style cup home for you, as usual.

Mom, I know I haven't always been the best daughter I could be but you always put up with me. I know for the majority of my 21 years of life you technically had to put up with me but at the same time, I know it's not out of obligation that you keep me. I know you love me.

You are one of the strongest people I know. You have always helped to carry our family through rough times and managed to keep your head held high in the stickiest of situations. You were there for me growing up and I know that I can always count on you to be there for me now in my grown up life. I know if I had a real emergency that I can count on you to do all you could to help me. A lot of girls I know dread turning into their mothers. I think I would be lucky to turn out like you because then I know that everything would always work out.

While I've been in relatively few romantic relationships, every time something hasn't worked out you've been the one to help me feel better. When all feels as if it's falling apart, you are the one that picks up my pieces and hands me a bottle of glue. You don't coddle us but you take care of us and that makes you the best mom I could ever ask for.

I know I don't always show it and I don't always call like I should. I know that I could do a lot better at how to be a good daughter when you're away at school. But I do love you and I do care. I listen to all that you say even when it doesn't seem like it or you have to tell me a couple times for me to remember. You're my hero, Mom. And I couldn't ask for a better one. You're amazing and I hope that you always remember that, even when I'm being a stinker about calling or something.

I love you so so much!!

Love Always, Eliza Jean