I can do better?

If there's one phrase that would sum up what I've been told through all the relatively short relationships I've been in, its "You could do so much better than me."

Well, let me tell you. I would be alright if no one ever said that to me ever ever EVER again.

It makes me want to puke.

Seriously.

I think I know better than anyone else what I want or deserve. Wouldn't you think so?

I am not without flaws. For some reason, it apparently comes off that I have a spotless past or that I've never made a mistake before. All you boys can NOT be that naive to think I have never made a mistake or never done something I've regretted later.

Part of this "better than me" attitude you boys seem to have is you all seem to think I care about the past. The reality is I couldn't care less about your past! The thing that matters most in relationships is the future, not the past. Sure, I'll listen if you want to tell me what all went down but it really isn't so big a deal. So chillax ok?!

Consider this a plea to those in the future of my apparently bland and broken love life.

Let me be the one to decide what I deserve.

Let me be the one to decide what is good enough for me.

Let me be the one to determine some of this stuff, huh?

Here's a clue if you're wondering if I can do better than you or not:

 If I'm with you, then you are what I want.

Simple as that.

I am very capable of making decisions for myself. I can't tell you if you are in fact "good enough" for me if you never give me the freaking chance. So give me the chance to make some decisions for myself before you jump on that "you can do better than me" band wagon.

(I apologize for all the red text. It's because I felt like I was seeing red.)

Good Bye Kristoffer

This is a photo of me and Kristoffer from our first year at BYUI. We got super duper close and became pretty much best friends. We were inseparable. We could carry two conversations at once. We finished each others sentences. We said things at the same time. She got me and I got her.

This time around it's a little different. Kristoffer is getting married. So now I spend a lot of my time alone (hence lonely picture). I hardly ever see her. I've gone days without seeing her this year and we still share an apartment. 

I'll admit, I am a little sad about this. But I'm so incredibly happy for her. She used to say she didn't think she would ever find anyone, that she would die an old maid. I knew all along that she would end up with someone totally perfect for her. And she is.

Juggular (his name's been changed. and he picked his alias) makes her super duper happy. He has replaced me from the days of our first year up here but that's ok. Now, they say things at the same time. Now, they're inseparable. She has finally found a guy worth her time that treats her as stellar as she deserves.

Juggular, I hope you know how spectacular of a future wife you've found. She's one of my best friends and she's always been there for me, someone I could count on. You're taking her away and so you better earn it. Keep up the good work and keep in mind that if you ever ever EVER make a 180 change and start screwing up, I will hunt you down. She deserves the world and I know you will do everything to give it to her.

I'll miss you, Kristoffer. I already do. But,  again, I am super happy for you and wouldn't have things any other way. I always knew you'd get what you deserve :)

Eliza and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

There's this children's picture book called Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day and it is the inspiration for my post today.

Yesterday, we had apartment clean checks. This is where every two weeks, Beaver (changed name, obviously) comes and tells us that we're slobs and need to clean up our act and with that our apartment. Beaver is especially critical of me and my roommates on clean checks and we have no idea why. Yesterday's particular clean check seemed to be fine. Then, Beaver failed me. I was supposed to clean "bathroom b" and I did. Apparently, my cleaning skills are sub par. Beaver came back to recheck me today (which cost five dollars) and FAILED ME AGAIN. Now I have to pay a whopping twenty bucks to have her clean the ALREADY CLEAN bathroom!!! Not good. (side note: I'm going to go talk to the apartment manager and hopefully get this resolved in a different way)

So that adds to my terrible horrible no good very bad day.

Today, I only had one class: Advanced Writing and Critical Thinking. It's one of the general requirements for my graduation year. Sometimes, I take my laptop with me and sit in the hall while NickerBocker is in her class after our class together (adv. writing). Today, I was feeling especially tired and just not good so I decided to come back to the apartment instead. It snowed last night. But just a little so there's that very unsafe dust on everything. I decided to cut through the parking lot thinking it would be easier. I'm walking through what appears to be a space with a giant puddle in the middle when WHAAAAAAAAMMMM.(I wrote it all spread out like that because it was like a slow-mo fall) I fall on the giant ice patch in the middle that is most assuredly NOT a puddle. All my clothes got muddy. My glasses fell off. My ipod fell out. I scraped my chin. I scraped my right wrist. I bruised the entire side of my left leg. I sprained my other wrist I think because now it hurts to move.

So that adds to my terrible horrible no good very bad day.

My class starts at 945 and so if I want to get anything done before class I really should get up at eight. I forgot to set my alarm last night so I barely even had time to brush my teeth this morning. We were almost late to class and I accidentally sat in the wrong seat and couldn't move because we were going to say the prayer. So I was in front of NickerBocker instead of to her right and she was fidgety and putting her knees in my backside. I didn't say anything which is my fault.

So that adds to my terrible horrible no good very bad day.

"I think I'll move to Australia." (quote from the book)