"Every beetle is a gazelle in the eyes of it's mother"

Today is mother's day! I probably can't make this post as long and poetic as it deserves but I have a short story for you all, in honor of my own mother.

In the above picture, I'd like you to take special notice of the strand of pearls around my neck. They are very important to our story.

These pearls used to be my mother's pearls. I used to borrow them all the time. They're the perfect length, hanging right at my collar bone. They also make me feel really classy! 

I borrowed my mother's pearls so much that I started asking for a short strand of pearls just like Mom's at Christmas time and birthdays. Then, one Christmas (probably a few years after I began my persistent asking) I finally got what I had been asking for. I was so excited to open the little box that contained my own strand of pearls.

The thing that took me a moment to realize was that this strand of pearls I was now claiming as my own were in fact the same strand of pearl I had so long coveted. My mother had searched far and wide, keeping her eyes peeled as I continuously and probably obnoxiously asked for pearls just like hers. And yet, in this endless quest, she couldn't find what I was looking for.

Instead of calling it quits, my mother did something that all loving mothers do. She made a sacrifice for me. She gave me her pearls because I am her daughter and it was something I wanted. She's a wonderful mother and I am so blessed that she is mine. She takes care of me and my two sisters. She looks out for me and wants me to succeed. She is everything I could ask for and more. I can count on her to always be there for me.

And someday, when she no longer is physically standing by my side, I will always have my mother's pearls.

April Showers Bring May Flowers

So I know it's been a ridiculously long time since I've written on my blog. It was a really rough couple of months, especially April.

I got pneumonia in February and through my lack of stopping and stress and such, I then got mononucleosis. That was a big rough spot. I even spent a night in the ER because of it. I was going to be staying at school through the summer in attempts to sort of get ahead but because of my unfortunately timed illness, I am home for my foreseeable future.

On top of my terrible health, I met the end of yet another relationship. Shockingly, this one really snuck up on me. I don't understand what happened or why so I can't explain. I am working hard to not think too much on it and just pick up my pieces and carry on.

From the beginning of April to the end, it was especially rough since that's where the majority of my hardships have fallen. Because of this, my life motto right now is (like the title of this post) "April Showers Bring May Flowers."

I know that life won't be sunshine and rainbows from now on just because I say so. I wouldn't want that anyways. I'm simply deciding to change my attitude and go forward with a bit of a plastered smile. I am going forward with the intent that things within my control will be different-- this much I can do.

I am going to throw myself into being the best me that I can be. I'm doing this because, in my experiences, this is when things are the best. When I am my best self is when other things fall into place, life is golden, I'm happiest, and people with only positive things to offer come into my life.

I have decided to put off former bad habits (this is a rough work in progress) and to pick up a few more positive ones.

I am not perfect and I know I'm a work in progress. The important thing is not that I recognize my faults but instead where I'm working on those faults. This is a new beginning and nothing will be the same. I am changing for the better, I hope that you can keep up.

She's Not a Baby Anymore

My Dear Baby Sister is celebrating her 19th birthday today and so this post is specifically for her. Make of that what you will, you know the drill by now.

Ok Baby Sister here we go!!

I am so proud of you and all that you've already accomplished in your not that long life. By this time next year, you'll already have your associates degree and that's pretty impressive darling. You are so smart and there's really nothing you can't do. I hope that I can convince you to come to BYU-I so that we can go to school together for like a little bit because that would be pretty dang cool.

You are also probably the toughest kid I know. If you hadn't been through enough with the hip surgery and stuff, you just had your tonsils and stuff out and that is crazy. Your pain tolerance is like through the roof I swear! Hopefully the hardest stuff is behind you now but if not I know that you can make it through anything because you just can. 

Baby Sis, I have always thought of you as my Baby Sister just because you're the youngest one. But you are so far from a baby. You have grown up so much and you're definitely taller than me now. It's more than just height though. We've been through a lot as a family and you've been right there in the thick of it with all of us. You know as well as any of us how to get through hard times, probably more than you should at 19 years old.

Even though you're basically all grown up now, you will always be my Baby Sister. I say this with affection too, I swear. I love you so so so so SO much. Like it's ridiculous. You will always be my Baby Sister because you're stuck with me. You can't get rid of me, babe. I love you and I can't wait to see what more you can do with this next year. Nothing will stop you from what you want and I hope that you take me along with you as you continue to grow and blossom.

I love you, Baby Sister. I can't say it enough.

Love, Your Big Sister

#nofilter

Today I got on a kick and started watching a bunch of videos on Upworthy and I think you should check the site out if you haven't because it's a site that can either make you think or restore some of your faith in humanity. Today was a makes-you-think day for me. I started off with watching this video where these junior high girls redefine beauty through "selfies" or pictures that they take of themselves. The video made me cry because these girls that are in such a tumultuous time in their lives are talking about insecurities they have and how those insecurities have often been emphasized because of the insecurities of the women they're closest to (the video focused on their moms) and then by the end of the video those things that each of these girls and women were most insecure about ended up being something they decided wasn't so bad.

So I got inspired and decided to do something of my own about it. I am insecure about the way I look. When I look in the mirror, it takes a conscious effort to not see everything that needs tweaking and needs improving. My eyes are too big for my head which is overall just too small. I can't do anything with my hair except for a pretty basic braid. Sometimes, my glasses are obnoxious. My teeth aren't perfectly white and they are no more perfectly straight. And that's just from the neck up, don't even get me started on all the other things I don't like about myself.

And if I think about it, I first felt insecure about myself in like the fifth grade. I saw some statistics today that talked about how eating disorders are manifesting in children under the age of 12 way more than they have before. I think we have a huge responsibility for those who are growing up behind us to make things better for them than it was for us. I think if we can't make the planet better or make it so they can live better lives than we have, we should at least make it easier for them to feel comfortable in their own skin. Let's stop the insecurity train here.

I have asked my roommates each to take a selfie in one shot, no retakes and no filters. I also asked a couple guys I know to do the same. Because insecurity knows not gender and I think that's another topic to conquer altogether.

Anyways, here are the pictures I've got. I have talked to almost all of these people about insecurities and personal image issues.

This is Alaura, she's a successful college graduate and is happily engaged to be married in April. She's so smart and always willing to help however she can. I'm constantly asking her health questions and call her Nurse Alaura (because that's what she does). She keeps us all on the right path and makes me want to be a better me. She's really just fantastic.

This is Mariah. She's the second oldest in her family and is super devoted to them. She speaks her mind and isn't afraid to hold back. She tries her best to make sure things get done the best they can and in a timely manner. She's got the purest of intentions and I truly admire her spirit.

This is Sheldon. She is mega talented and definitely going places. She always has a smile on her face and tries to spread that smile to those around her. She speaks her mind and says what she can to help in any situation. She's got a good head on her shoulders and already knows what she wants in life-- and it's definitely going to happen.

This is Allison (we call her Allie). If there is a personified definition of sweet and kind, this girl is it. She is always looking out for everyone around her and I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a mean bone in her body. She is always very put together and collected. She wants to be an elementary school teacher which is so perfect because like I said they don't get sweeter than this girl and elementary school teachers are so important. I am constantly impressed by this girl's character.

Ok this is Allison aka my best friend. I'm super biased about how amazing I think this girl is. She does so much to make sure that everyone else is happy and okay. She really works her butt off for the things she wants most in life. She's amazingly talented and has a contagious singing voice. Basically, everything about this girl is contagious in the best of ways. She really just takes the cake on being amazing and the best friend you could ever ask for. Seriously guys, not even an exaggeration.

This is Cassie. She's kind of hilarious and wonderful and I love this girl. She is always telling jokes and making you laugh. She has a contagious laugh and wants the world to be happy. Personally, I think she seems to be succeeding in making the world a happier place. She has the best laugh in the world and she is so much smarter than she gives herself credit for. Her personality exudes out her pores and the girl glows happiness.

This is Levi. I'm also a little biased about this one. But I think he's amazing. He's a wonderful listener and obviously kind of goofy but in the best ways possible. He always puts a smile on my face even when I don't think that's possible and that's really impressive. He's resilient and strong. He can do anything he sets his mind to. I mean, anyone can but I've seen him do it. He's just great.

This is Jennifer (aka my mom!). She's way awesome. She's such a strong person and she's so cool. I can count on her to be there for me and she's definitely got my best interest at heart. She is also PHENOMENAL at cooking delicious food. If you're feeling down, she can pick you back up again.

This is Emma. I don't really know her but here's some stuff I've learned about her. She is pretty optimistic and that's fantastic. She's outgoing which is so helpful in this world that promotes keeping to yourself anymore. She's effervescent but not overly bubbly which is also fantastic. She served a mission for the LDS church which shows so much dedication and strong faith. And just from this little bit I can tell that she's gotta be pretty strong. Which sounds pretty awesome.

This is Scott. I don't really know him either but here's what I've been told! He's super duper nice and puts his heart in everything he does. He's way sincere which is so fantastic because so many people out in the world aren't. He's always willing to try new things and I think that's awesome because so many people in the world are afraid of the unknown but trying new things really prevents that fear. He's super helpful and way willing to help in anyway that he can. That's way nice because sometimes you just need a little helping hand and you can't always find it. So I think he's cool too.

This is Todd. We're fairly new friends and I've only hung out with him the once but he's pretty cool. He's super funny and can certainly carry a conversation. He's way into sports too. When I first talked to Todd, we were able to connect and become fast friends. To me, this can speak volumes about a person and who they are. If you're comfortable enough with someone that quick, you can handle pretty much anything the world throws at you.

This is Josh. He's Alaura's fiance and that's how I know him. He's a pretty cool dude. He's got sisters which has made it so much easier to talk to him about certain things. He's definitely got his friends' backs and he really cares about people. He treats Alaura like she walks on water and is so obviously in love with her which is so very very important. He's got strong convictions about what he believes and this is important in this ever flexible world. We need dudes like Josh to help us hold strong.

And then there's me. I play piano pretty well and I try to be kind and I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. I know a lot of stuff and I have some sometimes overwhelming motherly instincts. I love to sing and I love everything music. I'm majoring in psychology because I think I might be able to make things better this way. I'm both an old soul and young at heart wrapped up into this beautifully constructed person. I have grown so much and I know that I will see my dreams come true.

Personally, I prefer my face a little filtered but I know that we don't see the world through the prettiest filter on instagram. We see the world as it really is and I think we (including me) need to do a better job of seeing what's really beautiful in all the world. 

We are what is most beautiful and precious in the world. Our personalities and spirits glow through our faces and people see that when we smile. Those things we've grown to accept as imperfections are the very things that make us the best this world has to offer. We don't look like the people on the cover of magazines but not even those people look like the people on the cover of magazines. We need to end the editing and filters. It's time to see real beauty in who we really are. By focusing on the character underneath, the person becomes a more beautiful thing.

I don't have kids but I hope some day I will and I hope that they will know better and sooner than I have that they are beautiful because of their imperfections. We are all beautiful. Not our own kind of beautiful or just beautiful on the inside. I believe the world will stop seeing the imperfections we carry if we stop shouting about them or covering them up with filters and edits.

My name is Eliza. I am not a conventionally beautiful girl. I am not magazine pretty. But I am beautiful in a more real and more important sense. And so are you.

For My Little Fool

This post is once again specifically for someone because it's their birthday. And no, I'm not writing to Zooey Deschanel (although that would be pretty dang cool...)

So remember how we saw this statue and decided we would make it look like I was pulling you out of it's nose? That was awesome. These are the kinds of memories I have of you my darling sister and I'm so glad. Oh my dear, I cannot believe it's been a year already since your last birthday. So very very much has happened this year and again next year this time things will not be the same at all.You deserve the world and you're on the track to getting it all. I wish I could be there with you to celebrate this day with you. You have been rocking it your way on this earth for two whole decades!!

Fool, I love you with all my heart. We don't always get along but when we don't, we work it out lickity split and that's wonderful. I'm so glad that you're so happy and that things have worked out so well for you. You're braver than you know, smarter than you know, and just so much better than you can know. You have some growing left to do but we all do and I know that you can make it. In almost two weeks, you'll be getting married to someone for time and all eternity and that is very grown up.

I only ask that as you start this next decade of your life and go so far that you take us with you. We know that things happen and we can't always be in close physical proximity to those we hold most dear but in another way we are forever connected and you won't ever be far from me. You have the ability, no matter where you go or what you do, to carry us as your family with you in your heart. Pinky swear, you won't ever leave us behind.

I trust you with the world and it sits at your feet, darling. I cannot tell you enough how much I love you. To say to the moon and back is just not enough. You're the best and I hope your birthday is truly spectacular.


Sincerely with all the love you can imagine and more,
Noob