#Hallelujah

(Side note before I start, I apparently like to comment on the churchy hashtags. My life. Back to your regular programming now!)

With Easter fast approaching this weekend and then the LDS General Conference the following week, church and specifically my faith have been on my mind a lot lately. I also have been preparing for some important churchy stuff with the whole getting married thing. So when I saw a post on instagram from one of the many inspirational, LDS accounts that I follow asking what about my Savior and my faith brings me to shout "Hallelujah!" I had to think just a bit.

The reason I had to think was because I actually have a lot to be grateful for. In the last several years, I would not have survived without my faith and my Savior. My life has pretty much done a 180 and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wouldn't be possible without Christ, in whom I can do all things. Allow me to elucidate, with specific examples and testimony :)

Seven years ago, I was in my senior year of high school (GROSS I'M OLD) and looking back I realize that this was one of my lowest points in my personal testimony. I've talked before about how shaken my testimony was but this was the start of coming out of it and things had to get worse before it got better.

In my senior year of high school, my paternal grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. His diagnosis was in such a way that it wasn't so much a matter of if he would pass from it as much as it was a matter of how much time we had left with him. He passed away the summer following graduation and before I went up to school. I was really shaken. I had family members die before but this is the first time it really felt personal and I felt pain. The day of the funeral was the absolute hardest. My sisters and I were to sing a children's hymn and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I was praying constantly the whole day just to make it through the day. I won't recount specifically what happened because it is so very personal to me but something happened that day that confirmed to me that there are ministering angels among us. The Lord does not abandon us in our time of need; he hears our prayers.

When I went away to school that first year, I was really dumb. I did pretty much the exact opposite of whatever my parents wanted and I really suffered the consequences. Coming back that summer, I had choices to make. I needed to change what I was doing. I know that the Savior was there for me. I know that he carried me when I needed it and sustained me when I was afraid.

Since that time, I've been on a rollercoaster. I've gone back and forth to Rexburg (heading back again shortly, this fall but for different reasons I'll get to) and I've gone back and forth in relationships. All of the rollercoaster was a steady up and down until about two years ago now. Then, it was like the bottom fell out and I was just plummeting to rock bottom at lightning speed. Unfortunately, I seem to learn to rely on the Savior best when I'm struggling the most. I got sick (you're probably tired of hearing about it) and got more blessings for healing than I have in a long time. At the same time while I was recovering from this, I dealt with some personal heart break. As I was on the outs of this illness, I started dating again and, again, faced some heartbreak. There is nothing quite like the literal pain you feel in your chest when someone hurts you like that. I remember pleading in prayer to not feel because being numb would be better than what I was feeling. I remember begging to never feel it again. Heavenly Father didn't stop the pain but he provided me a way to heal. I became close friends with someone who has been an incredible blessing in my life and I know that the Lord put her in my path because it is what I needed. I threw myself into my callings at church and was so very blessed. I worked in the Relief Society presidency and felt so much happiness simply from serving the girls in my ward.

When I was finally into a good place (a better place than I may have ever been), the Lord continued to bless me and I've met the man I'm going to spend eternity with. I've started school again and am making better progress and learning more than I have towards what I want to do in a long, long time. I feel like my life is in the absolute best place and I'm so incredibly blessed. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am where I am because of my Savior. He carried me through my darkest times and worked to strengthen me in a way that I could be where I am now. I would not be here without him. I would not be as happy as I am were it not for my Savior, Jesus Christ.

Tonight, I'm going to watch a special broadcast of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing Handel's Messiah and I'm so excited. I love this piece of music because of the incredible power in it. I plan to be emotional. More than anything, I'm excited because I get to share this special experience with my fiance. He is such a blessing in my life and I am so blessed to be able to share something so important and so personal with the person who has come to matter most to me.

May we all share with those who matter most to us in the joys that come from relying on the Savior, especially at this weekend as we celebrate the Easter holiday. A lot of the world focuses on the fact that Christ died to forgive our sins but the most important part is that he rose on the third day and that he lives for us. My goal in this life is to repay him for all he has done for me in any way that I can, no matter how impossible it will be to repay my debts. As he lives for me, I will live for my savior and I will be his hands in this world serving those around me however I can. He has done everything for me and I can never repay that but I will try.

I will sing his praises, I will shout #Hallelujah in praise of his name and all that he has done for me. May we remember our Savior this weekend and every day and may we live for him as he does for us.